


Scars and Kisses

by BeePrincess



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Insecurity, Past Child Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Reader-Insert, Scars, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:16:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3646536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeePrincess/pseuds/BeePrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael x Reader! Tmnt 2014! "Scars and Kisses" is a fan fiction describing your torturous past and how you came to loose your trust in others. On your seventeenth birthday you are put in a dangerous situation but luckily you are saved by Raphael and the other turtles. They disappear into the night before you can become better acquainted with let alone thank them. After that night secretly Raphael keeps watch over you and discovers the terrible situation you are in at home. When Raphael finally does see you again face to face, he decides not to let you go again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stockholm Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter describing the beginning and what may lead to the end of your abusive relationship with your father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear with me. I tried not to make the abuse too graphic but I wanted you to know what you as the reader went through. Future chapters will be all about you and the turtles ^U^

Stockholm syndrome: feelings of trust or affection felt by a victim toward a captor. He hurt you so much, he took so much. He took it all and keeps coming back for more. You have nothing left now. 

You still remember the first time he hit you. It's not something so easily forgotten. You were only 8 and your mother was in the hospital with a suffering from heart failure. You both came home from visiting her at the hospital. Even at your young age you could tell he was stressed because he was really quiet on the car ride home. He was normally so boisterous and happy. He was the type to light up any room he stepped into. That's probably why your mom married him. 

After stepping inside the house he slammed the door causing the whole house to shake. 

You remember asking him, “Are you okay daddy?”

He turned to look at you but had a crazed look in his eyes. You flinched away as he raised his hand and struck you across your cheek. You shrieked as he did it over and over again. 

Holding your arms above yourself in order to provide some sort of protection you screamed, “Stop daddy! Stop! Please!”

He took you by your trembling shoulders and shook you back and forth, “You! You did this to her! This is all your fault!” he screamed as you coward in his grip.

In a twisted way, he was right it was your fault. Your mother never did have a stronger heart but after you were born things took a turn for the worst. She was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy, a condition in which the heart becomes weaken and enlarged. One could say she had a big heart both figuratively and literally. As a result of her disease, her heart was unable to pump a sufficient amount of blood to the rest of her body. The stress of child birth effected your mother and her body more than anyone would have guessed. In eight years, her heart had deteriorated significantly and it was your fault. 

He must have hit your head and knocked you unconscious because the last thing you remember is being thrown on the ground. You woke up the next morning on the floor of the kitchen. Your father went about his day as if nothing had happened the day before. You would have believed his little act if it weren’t for the fresh bruises and welts peppering your face and the golf ball sized bump on your crown. 

He had kept you from visiting your mom in the hospital until they had all faded and healed. 

“We wouldn’t want to worry her with your clumsy self,” he spoke sharply.

When he finally allowed you to see your mom, she was so weak and sickly looking you hardly recognized her. Her beautiful rosy cheeks had gone pale and dark circles had taken permanent residence under her eyes. You sat on the bed with her and she combed her slender fingers through your hair.

During your visit, you remember telling her all about how excited you were to start third grade and to have her back home with you and daddy. It took too much energy for her to speak so she smiled sweetly and nodded her head at your enthusiastic remarks. Placing a gentle hand on your cheek she took a deep breath and then let out a shaky sigh. 

“I’d like that honey,” she spoke in a forced whisper before breaking out into a coughing fit. 

You gripped onto her hand as if it would keep her with you.

“I’m sorry mommy. I’m so so so so sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen! Whatever I did I’m sorry. Pl- please don’t- you can’t leave me!” you cried as the nurse pulled you away and the medical staff came rushing in. 

All other possible treatments for her disease were attempted before her doctors came to the decision that she needed a heart transplant. They tried everything they could to save her but she was on a transplant waiting list along with hundreds of other patients that needed it just as much as she did. If there were more hearts in the world it would be much easier to decide who gets one and who has to play the waiting game but obviously they are in short supply.

After your mom passed, your dad fell into a deep depression. He hit you more frequently and for longer periods of time. You knew it must be because he really misses mom. You missed her just as much if not more. You missed her smile and her voice. Every day you wish your mom would come back to give you a hug and say, ‘It’s okay, I’m here for you.’ To protect you. 

Your marks don’t have time to heal before you go to school. Your teacher and classmates begin questioning you about your marks and your life at home. You tell them how sad your dad is now that mom is gone. Looking back on it now you realize that probably would have led to a full scale investigation and you could have gotten away from him sooner. You would have been living a completely different life if he hadn’t packed up and moved with you away from their prying eyes. You moved from a small slow moving town in South Carolina to the busy fast paced city of New York. So busy that no one had the time to question a little girl’s black eye nor did anyone seem to care. Being the new girl, you didn’t fit it and didn’t make a lot of friends. You had no one to turn to. This probably contributed to teachers and child protection thinking you did not need as much help as you did. 

Your punishments became almost daily but sometimes he would do more than hit you. 

He’s been hurting you all these years, and says, “This is what happens when someone loves you. I love you like I loved your mother.”

His hands of love would come to get you. They would grab your face and pull your hair, a kiss on the lips.

“I love you, don’t you love me too?”

You nod, not knowing what else to do.

You felt dirty and disgusting. Your entire body resembled an over ripened banana, infested with purplish bruises. Eventually you became accustomed to wearing hoodies and long jeans, hiding your frail figure from strangers' looks of pity or revulsion that plagued you on a daily basis. 

At one point you told him, “I don’t like this game. I don’t want you to touch me anymore.”

He had stopped talking to you for days. No longer cooking your meals he simply ignored you. Feeling the dull pain of an empty belly you were practically throwing yourself at him. You missed the attention he gave you and thought you had lost him like you lost your mom. You didn’t want to be all alone in the world.

So the next time he was home from work and you were home from school you said, “I’m ready to play a new game now.”

That night he made you suck on his penis. You started choking- You thought you were going to die. He let go and you ran to the bathroom to throw up. After that he ended up apologizing and you never had to do that again. Instead he’d spend ages molesting you. Sometimes he hit and kicked you and sometimes he hurt you in other ways. 

You wish you had a dad who didn’t violate you. Who didn’t use you as a substitute for your mom. Who respected and cared for you like he used to. Years passed and you stopped wishing for the impossible. You reached a point in your miserable existence where you were seriously contemplating killing either him or yourself. Realizing that wasn’t a reasonable option you felt empty. That’s the only way to describe it. Like there was nothing left of you. You had no energy left to fight back.

You began taking stuff from the medicine cabinet to help you sleep at night. The drugs help you fall asleep but it doesn’t stop you from waking up with night terrors. Sometimes you even take them during the daytime. They make you feel numb, which helps you get through the day. 

You’re 17 now. It's your birthday but you don't feel any older. Time flies when you’re not having fun. He had to work late tonight but you stopped celebrating your birthday a long time ago. 

He had told you, "We shouldn't celebrate the beginning of your mother's problems." You agreed with him because otherwise that would just be selfish of you.

The days he had to work nights were the best. You could go up to the roof of the your apartment, sit on the edge of the building and look out at the city lights. Squinting your eyes the lights resembled stars. You can't see the real stars in New York so you settle for this. Gazing over the big city you feel at peace or at least as peaceful as one can feel with police sirens and car exhaust assaulting your senses. You let out a sigh of content remembering when your mom would take your stargazing in the backyard of your former home.

"Can you see the man in the moon [Y/N]?" she spoke sweetly while you sat in her lap starring up at the great big sky with wonder.

"Woah mommy! I didn't know people lived on the moon," you shouted excitedly.

"Only one man lives in the moon," she cooed kissing your head.

"Oh...mommy?" you look away from the sky to the blanket you both were sitting on.

"Yes baby." she began stroking your hair.

"Do you think he's lonely?" you speak quietly. 

"With all these beautiful stars keeping him company, he couldn't possibly be lonely" she said thoughtfully.

You are pulled from your thoughts by gun shots followed by screaming. It sounds fairly close to your apartment. You decide it would be best to head on back inside the 'safety' of your apartment. As you walk down the stairs, you pick up your pace hearing more gun shots, yelling and the sound of glass breaking. Cautiously you make your way into your apartment and grabbed the phone prepared to dial 911. Loud noises can be heard from your bedroom. You hold your breathe as you listen to the sound of feet stomp around your room. If your dad got off work early and found out you went out of the house without permission, who knows what he would do to you.

"Raph!" you hear an unfamiliar male voice and to your surprise you are somewhat relieved that it is not your dad. "What are you doing in here?!"

All you hear is an annoyed grunt in response.

"You can't just go breaking into people's houses. What were you-"

"You think I did this on purpose?! I saw one of the foot soldiers come in through the window. What else was I supposed to do? Knock on the front door and hope they don't freak out when they see a-"

"I get it Raph! Could you please just be a little quieter?!" he whisper yelled, "We wouldn't want to alarm the other residents."

"Yeah 'cause they shouldn't be concerned with the foot and a couple of green freaks running around their apartment." he replied sarcastically.

You thought you might have misheard him when he said green but if these guys weren't apart of the foot army who were they? You take a step towards your bedroom to investigate just before a gloved hand grabbed ahold of your arm. You gasped and fear struck your heart as you feel a gun being pressed against your back. 

"Drop the phone." a masked voice ordered.

It was a member of the foot. You did as you were told and felt tears merge on the brim of falling. Your mind was racing. How are you supposed to get out of this situation alive? Why did this have to happen to you? On your birthday no less! What does one do to stop this? You were on the verge of hyperventilating and felt as if you were going to pass out. Attempting to avoid doing that you focused on your surroundings and in doing so you realized how quiet it was. You no longer heard the bickering between the two mystery men in your room, the man to your back must have noticed. He was slightly trembling with fear and frantically looking around your apartment.

"Where are they?!" his voice cracked.

You grit your teeth as you felt the gun being further driven into your back. Just who were the people he was so afraid of? Anticipating what was to come your breathe became ragged and you struggled to keep calm. Realizing he intended to use you as a human shield from whoever had invaded your room.

"Please," you whispered not exactly sure what you were asking for. 

"Shut up!" he shouted in your ear.

"Now that's no way to speak to a lady," a voice came from behind the two of you.

How did they get over there? The gunman gripped you by the shoulder and whipped you around to face the other intruders. Unfortunately it was still extremely dark in the room and you couldn't even make out their figures. Especially since they kept to the darkest shadows of the room.

"Let the girl go and nobody gets hurt," an authoritative voice announced.

"Heh, no promises," in the shadows you see the glint of light catching metal. Maybe he has a knife?

They must be the vigilantes channel 6 news was reporting on. Apparently no one has ever seen them and left the scene unscathed or so you've heard. You heard the vigilantes slowly move closer to you until a floor board creaked.

"Nobody move or I'll shoot!"

The room went silent again. This stalemate seemed to last for hours. You feared your heroes may have given up on this stand still and just left. That is until a car's head lights illuminated the room through the window. In the few moments of light you observed your heroes. Standing before you were two tall, muscular, and very green turtles with deadly weapons in tow. Your heart and mind began to race again. Who and what were these things? How come no one has ever seen them before? Are there only two of them? How could two overgrown turtles be responsible for setting back the evil plans of the foot? Your breathing became excessively rapid and deep. Your fingers and toes began to tingle and your increased oxygen levels began to make you feel light headed. The sound of a gun firing and the droning noise of a ringing in your ears is the last thing you remember before you finally blacked out.

The apartments other residents were all too familiar with the sounds of violence coming from your apartment. They quickly learned not to poke their noses into your father's business after he told them what a wicked and disobedient child you were. But the sound of gunshots terrified them. Most stayed inside the comfort of their homes, while some chose to phone the police and report the gunshots. 

However there was one reckless woman who chose to investigate the situation. Secretly helping to save New York back in 2014 she was no stranger to danger. In fact she seemed to always be caught up in the middle of it. She must not have a strong self-preservation instinct because she is the only reporter who would run towards the sound of gun fire instead of fleeing the scene. That's right it's April O'Neil to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a true story.


	2. Shot to the Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to comment with any suggestions for the next update ^U^ or anything else you have to say. I'd be happy to respond!

A Shot to the Heart: You suffered so much pain throughout your life that you have changed along the way. Your heart has changed from all the painful ordeals you have endured.

You awoke from your fainting spell only to be confronted by an on slot of pain. Lying on the ground your head throbbed and your chest was searing with such intensity you’ve never felt before. You were confused and in a state of panic. A warm liquid was pooling around you as well as a flurry of blurred figures. The horrifying feeling of the hot blood pouring out of your chest and down your back caused a scream to rip through your throat. The thought that you were absolutely going to die caused you to want to live. Bringing your hand up to touch your chest you shriek hysterically at what you feel. It’s as if someone has drilled a hole into your flesh and rubbed salt in it. You felt as if the whole room was spinning and wanted to pass out again, but you never actually lost consciousness. You screamed and cried out in agony wanting the torment to stop. 

You gasped for air and started to struggle against whoever was attempting to restrain your arms and legs. You lost control of your body as it began to convulse, the pain was unbearable. A damp cloth was forced over your nose and mouth and a large hand held yours. Only then were you able to make out the words of the people around you.

“Miss, I need you to remain calm and take slow deep breathes.”

Inhaling deeply, you continued to cry out uncontrollably. The excruciating pain was being dulled by the scent of the cloth. Blinking your eyes to clear your fuzzy vision you lock eyes with one of the creatures you saw before. He looks uncertain but squeezes your trembling hand in assurance. The vision of his amber orbs fade into memory as your eyelids began to droop and finally shut. 

*****

Leonardo and Raphael had apprehended the Foot soldier but not in time to save you from getting shot. After tying the criminal up and roughing throwing him in one of your closets, they rushed to your aid you. Inspecting your body they discovered that you had been shot in the chest but you were still breathing and had a faint pulse. Leo contacted Donnie and Mikey. By the time they showed up April was already breaking down your front door and you had begun to awaken.

Being caught up on the situation by Leo, Donnie began pulling out supplies from his first aid kit and giving his brothers instructions.

“Get a towel from the bathroom and damp it with this,” he spoke handing Raph a bottle and he began sanitizing his hands.

“What is it?” Raph took the bottle. 

“Chloroform-“

“Wait, isn’t chloroform dangerous?” Raph interrupted.

“Would you rather her be conscious and in pain?! We don’t have time for this Raph! She could be bleeding out,” he said with urgency.

Raph runs to your bathroom, takes a hand towel, and pours the sweet-smelling dense liquid over the cloth careful not to breathe it in himself. Hearing you screaming, he runs back to the living room where you are on the floor writhing in pain. Leo and Mikey are holding your arms and legs down so you don’t injure yourself any more than you already are. 

“Dang! This girl’s got some lungs!” Mikey yells over your screams, attempting to make light of the situation they’re in.

“Mikey now’s not the time,” Leo scolds.

Raph places the towel over your mouth and nose as Donnie tells you to calm down. He takes your hand in his free hand and watches you as your chest heaves and your eyes frantically search the room. When your eyes finally rest on his, he prays you pull through. He doesn’t even know you but part of him wishes to get to know you. He continues to gaze into your eyes even as they cloud over and close.

Donnie began cutting up your clothes to get to your wound. His brothers look away embarrassed and not wanting to take advantage of a girl who’s just been shot. April (A/N: finally deciding to be useful lol) rushes to protect your decency by concealing your exposed chest with a blanket. As Donnie makes the first incision, Mikey begins pacing the room unsure of what else to do, and Leo contacts Master Splinter to inform him of the unexpected that has happened on their mission. April takes a new hand towel from your bathroom, wets it with cold water, and dabs it over your feverish forehead. 

Unable to watch the tragic scene any longer, Raph stands up from his position next to your inert body and leaves the room. He knows that this is all his fault. He’s barely able to contain his rage and on the verge of a breakdown. An innocent girl could die because of him! He’d never be able to live with himself if your life was cut short because of a decision he decided to make without even confirming it with Leo about first. Raph stomps over to the closet where he had shoved the Foot soldier in earlier and nearly rips the door off its hinges. Wanting to take his anger out on someone he grabs the Foot by the shoulders and pulls him out of the closet.

“This is your fault,” Raph growled not even believing himself.

“No! It’s not my fault! I was just following orders,” the man shook his head fearfully protesting.

His pitiful excuse only fueled Raph’s anger. Raising his fist to strike the man Raph was stopped by Leo abruptly running into the room.

“Raph stop! You don’t want to do this.” 

“And why not?” Raph snarled.

“Because he’s not worth it,” Leo tried to calm his hotheaded brother.

Raph’s jaw clenched and a vein in his neck protruded but he put the man down and stepped over him to walk out of the room.

“Why don’t you get some air,” it was more of an order than a suggestion.

“Fine,” Raph spoke coarsely.

With Raph on the roof of the building, Leo sighed in relief. Leo knew Raph must be really stressed out after everything that’s happening. He hopped Raph didn’t blame himself for what happened to you. Knowing that he probably did, Leo rubs the back of his neck and sighs again.

“You should put a leash on that freak.”

Leo turned to look at the tied up Foot soldier on the floor with sudden disgust. 

“What are you anyways some kind of alien or something?” the man stared Leo up and down with equal disgust.

Instead of answering the foolish man, Leo just kicked him back into the closet. Before slamming the door shut he took out one of your other hoodies. That way you have something to wear if you pull through Don’s makeshift surgery. 

Returning from the other room, Leo sees Donnie sewing the last of the stitches you need. Hearing Donnie breathe out as if he has been holding it in forever, Leo walks over to his brother and places a hand on his shoulder.

“Good job Donnie,” Leo grins. 

“Thanks but unfortunately that was just the easy part,” Don spoke pessimistically while adjusting his glasses.

“What do ya mean dude?” Mikey chimed in, taking a seat next to April on the floor.

“Well now we have to wait and see if she can recover from this both physically and mentally. She was shot in the chest after all. And although she was lucky enough the bullet didn’t penetrate any major veins or arteries, she did end up loosing a pint or two of blood. I’m not exactly an expert but she may even need to be taken to the hospital for a blood transfusion,” Donnie explained.

“She’s so cute, I’d give her my blood- WAIT! That sounded weird,” Mikey interrupted.

“And there is still the matter of explaining the incident to her guardians,” Leo added ignoring Mikey’s comment.

“I guess that’ll be something I can help out with. I don’t particularly know her that well but I’m pretty sure her name is [Y/N] and I think she only lives with her father,” April reached for some ace bandages.

Donnie held your limp and fragile frame as April wrapped your wound in bandages. Removing the last of your torn shirt and sweater they noticed the bruises and lacerations that decorated your skin. 

“These marks are obvious signs of blunt trauma…but they had to have happened overtime,” Donnie spoke in a solemn tone. 

They all looked at each other, exchanging looks of concern and then at you again. They were all wondering exactly what kind of trouble you were in. Frowning in thought, April dressed you in the hoodie Leo brought over. Raph entered the room right as you were being lain back down.

“Is she…?” Raph gulped but stayed in the doorway, frozen at the sight in front of him.

“Don’t worry, she’s fine Raph. For now at least,” Leo reassured while exchanging knowing looks with Donatello. 

Raph noticed, “What was that?” 

“What was what?” Don forced a nervous smile.

“You know what,” Raph’s eye twitched with annoyance and he crossed his arms over his plastron.

“Woah! Bro you need to chill,” Mikey tried to ease the tension.

“Look Raph, we found bruises and cuts on her that weren’t caused by the Foot soldier that broke into her home. We aren’t exactly sure what’s going on but when we find out we’ll tell you,” Leo finally announced.

Raph continued to stand in the doorway letting Leo’s words sink in.

While continuing to connect the dots, “So, what you’re saying is… Someone’s been abusing her?” Raph spoke what they were all thinking.

“But we don’t know that for sure,” Leo clarified.

Finally realization kicked in, and he turned to begin punching the wall. Yelling in anger he threw fist over fist at the wall wishing it was whoever was hurting you. In one punch a dent, in another a hole, in two more a new window looking into the next room over. 

“We need to move her. She’s not safe here,” Leo continued and Raph jumped at the idea of holding you in his arms.

In your drowsy state of mind, you recall the feeling of being weightless. Almost as if someone has lifted you off the ground. In fact, you’re certain someone has their arms around you right now. Deciding to play it safe you keep your eyes shut and you relaxed your body to pretend to still be asleep. You hear the voices from earlier and realize they are talking to your neighbor April.

“Take her to my apartment. If she needs to be taken to the hospital I’ll call for an ambulance.” April spoke sounding worried.

“I could just take her to the hospital myself,” a gruff voice replied. 

Wondering what happened to you after you blacked out, you noticed that the voice came from above you. He must be the one holding you. You are able to feel the slow and steady beat of his heart as he carries you bridal style. His strong arms are covered with what feels like scales and his chest is covered in hard plates with groves that run along them that portray their weathered wear. You observe that his musk was an odd mixture of pizza grease, sweat, and faintly of a pine forest. 

“No that’s not a good idea. April is right we can’t risk her waking up and seeing us again. Just put her in April’s apartment,” an authoritative voice ordered.

“Whatevah…” your holder grumbled under his breath.

Your mind begins to race and you struggle to remain calm. ‘Who are these people? Why do they look like giant turtles? How does April know them? What’s going to happen to me if I do see them? Did they break the window in my room? What’s my dad going to think about all of this? Why does my chest hurt so badly? Wait a minute, did I really get shot? How did that happen? How am I still alive? What’s going on?’ You want to scream but fear causes you to somewhat ‘play dead.’ 

Feeling him begin to walk you hear the trudging of feet, the creaking of floor boards, and the opening and closing of doors. You feel your stomach lurch as you are placed down on the soft cushions of April’s couch. Beneath you a large three fingered hand cradles your head before gently placing a pillow underneath it. For such a big scary creature, he sure was considerate.

“Let’s go. Master Splinter is waiting for us.”

“Bye Leo,” April called.

“April be sure to give her these when she wakes up. She’ll be in a lot of pain but these should help a little.”

“Alright Donnie. You boys get home safe,” April’s tone was stern but caring.

“Good night Angelcakes! I loooove you!!” 

“Good night Mikey,” she giggled.

“Keep her safe April.”

“I will Raphael.” 

You didn’t hear them leave but you felt the sofa sink a little and realized April must be sitting next to your still figure. She pets your hair for a while and mutters incoherently before speaking to you in a caring whisper.

“Everything is going to be alright [Y/N]. You’re safe now.”

Although you wish you could believe her, you’re not entirely sure that’s true.

Hesitating you eventually let your eyes flutter open and speak, “Ms. O’Neil?” you say respectfully.

“[Y/N]! How are you feeling sweetie?” she gasped.

“Wha-What happened to me?” Hopping to get answers out of her, you decide to play dumb.

“A member of the Foot came into your apartment. I heard gun shots. Are you feeling alright? You were unconscious when I found you. You seriously don’t remember what happened?” She questioned you suspiciously.

“I don’t know…I-“ you cried out as a wave of pain surged through your body and you clutched your chest.

“[Y/N]!! What’s wrong?! Hold on, stay put,” she runs to her kitchen to get a glass of water.

“It hurts!” You gasp while fighting to breathe evenly again.

“Here take these and in an hour or so you won’t feel so bad,” April hands you the glass of water as well as the pills Donnie told her to give you.

You take them and gulp them down without a second thought. April rubs soothing circles on your back, until you feel the effects of the medicine and lay back down. Resting your eyes you can’t fight the urge to ask your questions.

“Ms. O’Neil who were those turtle creatures?” You ask a bit drowsy.

“Uh…[Y/N] I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she lied.

“But I saw them…” you breathed.

“Honey you’ve been through a rough day. Maybe you should rest now,” she placed a hand on your head.

You pushed her hand away and shook your head defiantly. You knew you saw them. You knew you heard them. You knew you felt the strong arms of one of them carrying you. Why couldn’t she just tell you the truth?

“There were four of them…Leo, Donnie, Mikey, and Raph,” you continued slowly remembering.

April raked her fingers through her hair, debating on whether or not she should tell you everything. After everything that has happened to you tonight, you deserve to know. The fact that you know this much already, you’re probably bound to find out eventually. So she supposes that she might as well spill the beans now. But they are her family and she swore to protect their secret.

“Listen [Y/N]… I promised I wouldn’t tell a soul about them,” she tried reasoning with you.

“I’m really good at keeping secrets,” you pleaded.

Which wasn’t a lie. You are really good at keeping secrets. For one thing, you didn’t have any friends to tell them to. For another thing, you kept the tale of your own life a secret all these years.

April let out a short sad sigh remembering what she and the others had seen when she had dressed your wound, “Alright. Tell you what, I’ll tell you everything you want to know about the turtles if you tell me about the cuts and bruises on your body.”


	3. All Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “All alone!  
> Whether you like it or not,  
> Alone will be something   
> you’ll be quite a lot.”  
> (Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places You’ll Go)

Your mouth went dry. You knew she would never understand, you didn’t think that anyone really could. Although you knew she was just trying to avoid giving you information about your rescuers, the thought of telling someone about your dad made you incredibly nervous. You’re also feeling drowsy from the pain medication she had given you. You look down at your hands in your lap.

“Ms. O’Neil I-,“ you begin.

“Please, call me April,” she smiled placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.

You nodded shyly. Taking a deep breath to gather courage, you open your mouth to explain everything when someone began pounding April’s door. Startled by the sudden noise you jumped and she removed her hand. Her eyebrows furrowed and she reluctantly got up from her spot on the couch.

“I’ll be right back. You just lay here and rest…It’s been a long night,” she spoke while walking towards the door.

Lying back down you let out a sad sigh and stare up at the ceiling. Maybe you shouldn’t tell her. Maybe you should. Does she even care? Not likely… She doesn’t even know you. Hopefully she’ll at least help you explain all of this to the police. Not to mention your dad. What about those turtle men? Who and what were they? Why couldn’t she just tell you? Your thoughts continue conflicting one another until your eyelids eventually give in to the drugs and you fall into an uneasy sleep.

*****

When your father returns home from the nightshift, he finds the apartment in turmoil. Several police units sectioned off portions of the building with caution tape, as well as a handful of local residents rubbernecking at the commotion located inside of your apartment. From the doorway he spots a large hole in the living room wall and a Foot soldier is being hauled out of your coat closet before an officer commands him to step back.

“This is my home. What’s going on?!” he barked on the brink of losing it.

“Well sir, we’re not exactly sure at the moment. But if you could just step aside for questioning, we’ll be able to straighten all of this out,” answered the policeman.

Fuming, he walks down the hall with the officer so he can gather information. They spoke about the damage done to your bedroom window, the wall of the living room, and the presence of the Foot in your apartment only then did your father notice your absence.

“What about my daughter? Where is she?” he asked still trying to keep his cool.

“There’s no one else in your apartment sir,” the policeman spoke in a calm tone, “Perhaps one of your neighbors took her in.”

They moved to start searching for you. After some time of knocking on neighbors’ doors, they came upon April’s apartment number and by now your father was banging down doors attempting to find you. He never was one for hide and go seek. April answered the door looking rather annoyed but her expression quickly changed when she realized who was at her door.

“Good evening Miss. Sorry to bother you at such a late hour but Mr. [L/N]-“

“Yeah yeah, skip the formalities is my daughter in there or not?!” your father interrupted.

“Uh, yes sir she is but she’s resting right now and I’d rather not wake her,” she confessed.

“Then I shall need to question her when she does wake up,” the officer declared.

“That won’t be necessary,” protested your father as April stepped aside to let him in.

“But sir, in order to perform a full investigation I must collect information from all the witnesses pertaining to this case,” he argued.

“I said that won’t be necessary. She is my daughter and as her father I must protect her interests. I don’t think it would be wise for a high school student to get mixed up in a   
police investigation when she had nothing to do with the Foot invading her home. Now good night officer,” he closed the door before the policeman could continue his argument.

He huffed a breath of annoyance and then made a complete transformation in his demeanor. Turning to greet April with a friendly smile and an outstretched hand.

“I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced. You can call me Mr. [L/N].”

“I’m April,” she spoke accepting his handshake.

Checking the time, April noticed it was around two in the morning. April offered him a cup of coffee, so the two of them sat down for a cup of early morning coffee. As they sipped their drinks April told him everything she knew about what happened to you. Of course, she conveniently skipped the part of the story about the turtles and made up some story about how those heroic vigilantes must have saved you after you were shot.

“So [Y/N] was shot in the chest?” he asked completely astonished.

“Yes, but luckily she’s going to be just fine,” April wondered why he hadn’t asked if you were alright sooner.

“This is unbelievable…” he muttered drinking the last of his coffee.

“Yeah, I guess it kind of is,” April laughed to lighten the mood.

By the end of their conversation, the police finish collecting all the evidence they need and notify your father that it is safe to return home. After thanking April for letting you sleep on her couch, your father drags you home.

“I should probably get [Y/N] home. I wouldn’t want her disturbing you anymore than she already has,” your father said making his way over to the couch where your still figure sleeps.

“It’s no trouble really,” April gently protested.

“She is sure to rest better in her own bed,” he spoke without hesitation. 

April bit her lip contemplating an non-suspicious way to get you alone with her again. She needed to know the reason for your unexplained injuries that littered your body. She suspiciously eyed your father as he began to wake you.

“[Y/N]…[Y/N],” his voice gradually became louder as he shook you lightly by the shoulder.

Hearing the voice of your father, you quickly stirred awake. Eyes shooting open you coward further into the couch, gripping the cushions. He had yanked you off of the couch and was now holding you close to him. April sees your frightened expression and gave your father the benefit of the doubt, thinking it was probably just due to the fact that you were waking up in an unfamiliar place. After all that has happened to you, she wouldn’t blame you for being afraid.

“I’m so glad you’re safe,” he choked out pretending to tear up, “I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you!”

Your arms remained stationary at your sides as he continued to squeeze you. He then proceeded to roughly stroke your head. Your blood ran cold. You could push him away. You could scream at him to stop and run to April. She might even protect you from him. But you didn’t…Instead, you quietly accepted your fate, too senseless from the strong medication still in your system. 

He pulled away to look at you. You noticed his lips moving but no sound came from them. He probably wasn’t saying anything of importance anyways. Keeping an arm around your back and a firm grip on your shoulder he led you out of April’s apartment.

“[Y/N]’s welcome to come back anytime,” April called out to the two of your retreating figures.

“Not bloody likely,” your father quietly growled in your ear.

When you had walked far enough down the hall to turn a corner and be out of April’s eyesight, he slammed you against the wall. He waited until you had stood upright again to   
open hand you across the face. You held your cheek and avoided his angered gaze boring holes into your head by looking at a crack in the wall. You can’t say you were surprised by his actions. However, you were a bit disappointed to see that he wasn’t even going to give you a break after you’ve just experience a break in and a shot to the chest.

“Look at me,” your father demanded.

You closed your eyes expecting to be hit again but when you opened your eyes to look at your father his eyes softened. He shook his head and pulled you to him. You moved your hands to his chest in order to place some distance between the two of you. Thinking it was a gesture of affection, he leans in and kisses the top of your head. 

“I meant what I said [Y/N]. I really don’t know what I would do if I lost you and I am glad your all right,” he spoke leading you to his bedroom, “I’d rather you sleep in here for a while. Your window is damaged anyways.”

You made no sign of acknowledgement and slowly climbed into his bed. He smiled sinisterly while tucking you in and sat on the edge of the bed. You turned to face away from him as he removed his clothes and got under the covers with you.

“Goodnight,” he whispered ominously.

In the last few hours before the sun came up, you fought against the clutches of sleep. You never wanted to be unconscious around him for fear he might go further than he already has. Thankfully he made no attempts to approach you that night.

****

The night Raphael and his brothers saved you seemed to drag on forever. On top of gathering intelligence on the enemy, fighting and apprehending Foot soldiers, defusing a hostage situation, and saving your life they discovered you were most likely being abused at home. When they finally returned home to their refuge underground, they were all exhausted both physically and mentally. Unlike their usually behavior, they did not celebrate their victory over the Foot. After that intense situation they just left you in the care of April, it just didn’t seem like the right time for celebrating. Instead of sending them to the Hashi for letting humans see them, Master Splinter allowed his sons to rest. Following their goodnights to one another, they each went their separate ways. Mikey went to his room to sleep off the stress of the late night rescue, while Leo quietly meditated in his room to clear his mind, and Donnie watched the monitors for a few minutes before retiring to his room. Raphael however had a much more difficult time trying to deal with the tension of the recent events.

Compared to his brothers, Raphael was a complete mess. He couldn’t eat or sleep. All he could do was think about you. He doesn’t even know your name but he just couldn’t get you out of his head. He subconsciously blamed himself for what happened to you. After they discovered that someone else has been harming you, they just leave?! Was there really nothing they could do? He remained in their makeshift dojo practicing his ninjutsu techniques with you on his mind for hours on end. Master Splinter noticed his son’s behavior and eventually decided to step in under the guise of a training session. After a few dodges of Raphael’s attacks he finally spoke.

“Raphael, what is troubling you my son?” he queried ducking beneath Raph’s massive fist.

“It’s nothin’,” Raph lied attempting to sweep his leg under his sensei. 

“Oh really?” Splinter chuckled jumping away from Raph’s leg and whipped his tail causing Raph to fall on his back, “You movements speak otherwise. You’re not usually so uncoordinated in your attacks.”

Raph groaned, rolled over and stood up. After adjusting his belts, he placed his fist next to his open palm and bowed to his sensei.

“This is about that young woman you saved isn’t it?” Master Splinter said knowingly smoothing two digits down his fu manchu.

Raph looked up in disbelief then he hesitantly nodded. Splinter gestured for him to sit down with him. Knowing that Raph has a hard time expressing his feelings through words, Splinter felt that it would be best to talk to his son before he ended up doing something reckless. 

“Surely you must think that there is something more you can do to help the young woman?” as his master spoke Raph listened intently.

“But how can I help her? I’d probably just make things worse for her,” Raph’s gaze rested on his hands.

“You are endowed with strength of purpose and energy of will, Raphael,” Splinter encouraged, “Perhaps you should put it to use.”

Raph signed and stood up having decided what he was going to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment


	4. Silent Observer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is kinda short...
> 
> Guardian angels help you pick up the necessary pieces in your life and leave others behind.

Over the next several days, Raphael kept watch over you. Not as often as he wanted to of course. Never once considering himself a guardian angel, in a way he kind of was one. Whenever he had time off from missions or training, he would sneak out of the sewers to check up on you. He studied your schedule and habits, trying to find out who gave you those bruises. Trying not to invade your privacy too much he watched and follow you through almost all of your daily routine. Jumping rooftops to walk with you to school. Hiding in the shadows to watch you shop for groceries. Peeking through your new window to see you working on homework, cleaning the apartment or sleeping. You sure did sleep a lot, especially on days you took pills. Raph simply thought they were the medications that Donnie had given you but he was wrong. 

He learned that you basically do all of the chores while your father was working. You even cooked him dinner every night. He could tell you were a great cook. Sometimes you would cook with the kitchen window open and the delicious aroma of the meals you were preparing would waft over to Raph. After you had set the table, he would leave thinking it would be too creepy to watch you eating. 

He spied on you long enough to find out that you enjoy going up to the roof and stargazing, your favorite color is [f/c], you never wear anything other than hoodies and long pants, and that you don’t have any siblings. He noticed that you also never invited friends over or even hung out with friends at all. With your dad at work all the time your life seemed pretty lonely. All the while you were completely oblivious to his stalker activities.

Tonight was a particularly quiet one. While he thought you weren’t home, he used the fire escape of your apartment to climb through your bedroom window. Just like the first night he ‘met you’. Walking around your room he observed how dull and drab your room was compared to the teenage girls’ rooms he sees on TV. The only hints of decoration in your room were the sparse photographs that were placed on your dresser. The pictures were of a young girl and a beautiful woman that looked like you only a little older. He decided that they were most likely pictures of you when you were younger and your mom. Wondering what could have happened to your mother, his thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a tiny footsteps walking down the hall outside your room.

“Uh oh,” Raph whispered in sheer panic.

How come he didn’t notice you were home earlier?! Realizing he didn’t have time to squeeze through your window again, he stumbled around your room trying to find a place suitable to hide his massive build. He settled for your closet hoping you weren’t planning on getting something from it.

You made your way out of the bathroom with a towel loosely wrapped around your naked form. Lightly treading across the hall you take in the feeling of being fresh and clean. Opening the door to your room you sense something is off about the room. Closing the door you shrug and patter over to your mirror.

Your closet has a vertical blind door so Raph was able to see you move about your room. He felt like such a pervert when you came in wearing nothing but a towel, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. The skin of your arms, legs, and neck were tainted with old scars and fresh wounds. Raph felt a pang of guilt. Something must have happened to you while Raph was training because he can’t remember a time when he saw you in any danger. 

As you look at your bullet wound in the mirror you run your fingers over the scar tissue and stitches. The new skin didn’t sting as much as it used to but it didn’t take much to irritate it. A blemish in comparison to some of the things your father has done to you. You shake your head and arch your back feeling the weight of the day take its toll. Yawning quietly you begin pulling out clothes to sleep in. Raph feels his cheeks heat up as you pull out a bra and panties set. Turning away from the door he frowns at himself for being such a creep. 

Both you and Raph jump at the sound of a door slamming. Your father must have had a bad day at work. You rushed to put your clothes on.

“[Y/N]! Where are you?!” your father shouted followed by the sound of stomping.

You didn’t even have time to put your clothes on let alone answer him before he came crashing into your room. He was wobbling on his legs and using the door frame for support obviously drunk. Raph eyed him through the door wondering what was going to happen as the scene played out.

“Your dinner is in the fridge. I can heat it up in the microwave after I get dressed,” you held the towel tightly and spoke in an uneasy tone.

You’ve never seen him intoxicated before. It kind of frightened you to see a man already unstable as it is under the influence. You tighten your grip on the towel as he took long strides over to you. Attempting to somewhat compose himself he chuckled.

“Good ‘cause I’m hungry,” he spoke maliciously while playing with your wet tresses and looking over your exposed body, “Is that where you were shot?”

You slowly nodded and tried to back away from him only to be met with the edge of your bed. You fell onto it and scurried to the opposite side as your father followed you. You sat with your legs curled into you as he collapsed onto the bed face first. 

“Why don’t you lay down? It’s much more comfortable,” he rolled over and looked at you smiling.

Raph stayed in the closet still confused as to what was happening but it was plain to see that you were scared. 

“You’re drunk,” you shook your head and gasped as he grabbed your leg pulling you toward him.

His face contorted into a murderous sneer as he gripped your shoulder. You whimpered as he dug his fingers into your stitched bullet hole, tearing flesh and stitching. Raph’s anger had overcome his initial shock. He had seen enough. Not even bothering to use the door knob, he rams through the door. Breaking it off its hinges in the process. You gasp seeing the giant turtle here to rescue you again. 

“Get your filthy hands off her!” Raph growled sprinting over to your side.

Your father screeched and fell off the bed at the sight of a horrifying monster coming out of your closet. 

“What the hell are you?!? Somebody help! HELP! I-“ your father was interrupted by Raph’s fist to his face.

He was sent to the hard floor. Effectively breaking his nose in the first punch, Raph continued to pummel your father until he was out cold. Pulling his fist back to strike him again, you dashed out in front of him to take the hit and protect your abuser. Raph’s fist came within mere inches of your face before abruptly halting. 

“I said STOP!” you cried blinking away tears.

Raph was taken aback by your sudden outburst. Had you been telling him to stop all this time? 

“Why are you trying to protect him? Don’t you see what he’s done to you?” Raph asked a bit frustrated.

“He’s my dad,” your voice wavering.

Raph grunted annoyed by your answer. Thinking of what he should do next he notice your current attire. He let out a short sigh and turned his shell toward you.

“Get dressed.”

Not disliking the idea, you promptly got up from your father’s side on the ground and shuffled over to your dresser. You hastily adorned your undergarments and your usual hoodie and jeans.

“I’m… uh sorry about your closet- I guess- and um… your dad,” Raph whispered stuttering.

“You killed him?!” you squeaked.

“What?! NO!” Raph turned around to greet your frightened face, “He’s fine… Well, I mean not really but he’ll live.”

“Oh…alright,” you breathed slightly relieved.

A long and painfully awkward silence ensued. You both avoided eye contact by starring at your unconscious dad, the floor, the broken closet door, anything really. He stood there holding his breath trying to decide what to say. You clutched your chest has it began to hurt and you supposed that your father may have reopened the wound. 

“Are you okay?” he wanted to walk over to you but stayed put so as not to scare you anymore than he already has.

“I- I don’t know,” you wheezed out shaking your head slightly.

You held out your hand silently asking him to help you. He came over to support you but your breathing became irregular and rapid.

“C’mon,” he spoke collecting you in his arms.

“Wh-where are you taking me?” you asked a little light headed.

“Home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment? please? I enjoy reading what you have to say ^U^


	5. The Last Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Last Night  
> “This is the last night you’ll spend alone  
> Look me in the eyes so I know you know  
> I’m everywhere you want me to be  
> This is the last night you’ll spend alone,  
> I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won’t let go  
> I’m everything you need me to be  
> The last night away from me  
> The night is so long when everything’s wrong  
> If you give me your hand I will help you hold on!”  
> Skillet

People say that you never really know the exact minute your life has changed. That situations and circumstances happen, one day you wake up and you just feel differently. It’s meant to be gradual phenomenon. A shift in life is like the erosion of a stone in a river, it happens so slowly that you barely notice it’s changing at all. However that’s not how it happened for you. You know the exact moment that your life changed. It was the moment Raphael took you up in his arms and decided to never let you go.

**** 

Your hoodie was stained with blood. You were slowly bleeding out, but the act of leaping across rooftops gave you a bit of an adrenaline rush. You felt like you were flying. Never daring to look below you kept your eyes glued to the starless night sky. But every once in a while your eyes would wander to the face of the behemoth carrying you. His face wore the expression of determination and dedication. As if nothing would stop him from keeping you safe. Raphael held you close to his plastron so as not to jostle you too much, while he jumped from roof to roof. He stopped every so often to make sure no one would notice him. For a giant turtle he sure was light on his feet… at least when he wanted to be.

He came to a stop and moved to hide behind an air vent. You kind of felt bad because he was panting from sprinting across rooftops for half an hour or so. You wondered where he was taking you as he gently set you down so he could catch his breath. You hissed in pain as you felt your stitches coming loose.

“Sorry,” he quickly apologized still out of breath. 

You watched as he peeked over the top of the air vent to make sure no one else was on this roof. Settling back down he let out a little sigh before he realized you were staring at him in quiet awe. You looked at him as your hero with such genuine and open affection. He quickly looked away a bit embarrassed he hadn’t noticed you staring sooner.

“What are you lookin’ at?” he spoke a little snarkier than he would’ve liked. 

Even though he didn’t want people gawking at him, he knew he didn’t want to put a bag over your head to blindfold you. Not after finding out that the bag was pointless, the first time April was taken to the hideout. He also didn’t want you to be scared any more than you already were. 

“I’m not really sure,” you confessed while continuing to beam, “What exactly…are you? And why did you beat up my dad? Also what were you doing in my closet?! Are you some kind of turtle pedo- mmph!”

Raph had placed his hand over your mouth to cease your babbling and to avoid answering your last question. You quirked a brow at him waiting for him to say something.

“Maybe we should just start with the basics?” he tried speaking in the most nonthreatening voice he could muster.

“What do you mean?” you mumbled through the hand that was still clasped over your mouth.

“Well, what do people normally say when first meeting new people?” he dropped his hand from your lips, “For starters, what’s your name?”

“Oh, uh- I’m [Y/N]… and you are?” you asked already fairly certain you know his name.

“…Raphael,” he smiled glad to finally your name.

“Like the arch angel?” you asked in wonder looking at his body structure and attire in clear view for the first time.

“Nah more like the painter,” he scratched the back of his head.

“Oh really… that’s pretty cool,” you nodded thinking it was very poetic and paused before asking your next question, “So you’re a turtle?”

“Yeah…I’m a turtle,” he echoed.

“Are there more like you?” you remember the night you first saw them.

“Uh- I mean I have three brothers,” he replied trying to ignore your powerful gaze.

“Wow,” you blurted, “So, how old are you?”

“Uh…”

“What is that a hard one or something?” you joked.

“No, I just don’t really know how to answer that,” he argued, “It’s kind of complicated, since I’m a mutant, but I guess by typical human standards I’d be about 17.” 

“Cool me too,” you marveled, “What exactly were you doing in my closet?”

“Look lady it’s a long story. All that really matters is that you’re in good hands now, alright? We need to get you to Donatello so he can patch you up,” he skillfully   
dodged your question once again reaching over to pick you up again.

You squealed not yet used to being carried but made no further attempts to protest. Raph kept himself from laughing at your adorable reaction. He liked having you wrapped up in his arms, knowing you were safe from harm. But he hated the thought of what could have happened to you if he wasn’t there to stop it. He wasn’t thinking of the consequences taking you would cause nor was he thinking of what the future might bring. He was engrossed in the moment of defending you, protecting you, and now having you all to himself. 

You clasped your hands around Raph’s neck as he made his way off the roof and climbed down the fire escape. You both grunt as he jumps down off of the last ladder and onto the ground. Tightening his grip on you with one hand he lifted the manhole cover with the other. After a complaint or two from you, he helped lower you into the hole. You both descended and now walking on your own he lead you through the putrid sewers. 

Never wanting you to go through being victimized again he realized that nothing would make him want to let you go again. You, on the other hand, still struggle to comprehend the situation you find yourself in currently. You were just kidnapped by a giant turtle and now you’re in the sewers. It didn’t seem real. The night wasn’t real…it couldn’t be. Part of you wanted to pinch yourself to make sure but the pain you felt from your chest wound reopening was proof enough. What a strange night it is turning out to be.

*****

You slowly trudged behind Raph until you came to a grand archway with a volt door. You watch as he unlocks it and swings it open to reveal what Raph must have been referring to as ‘home.’ After jumping through the circular doorway himself, he assisted you jumped down, too. You observed the new surroundings as he sealed the door. You turn to see a huge rat wearing a kimono starring back at you. You shriek and run behind Raphael for protection. 

“Raphael what is the meaning of this?! Why have you brought a stranger into our home?! Who are you?” the giant rat snarled in your direction.

“Master Splinter let me explain,” Raph replied while holding his hands out in front of him defensively, “This is [Y/N] the girl we rescued a while back.”

“What were you thinking bringing her here?!” one of Raph’s brothers wearing a blue mask stepped forward.

You slightly cowered from being yelled at as two more turtle behemoths entered the room.

“Dudes! What’s with all the yelling?!” Raph’s brother wearing an orange mask shouted obnoxiously.

“What’s happening?” the one wearing the purple mask and glasses gasped when he saw you.

Biting the inside of your cheek you thought of an explanation, but Raphael spoke protectively before you could.

“She needs our help,” Raphael took a hesitant step forward, looking a bit desperate. 

You hid behind him your eyes resembling that of a cornered animal. After seeing the blood stain on you sweatshirt the giant rat, known as Master Splinter, placed a hand on the blue clad turtle’s shoulder. 

“Leo…” he turned to look at Splinter and they seemed to share an unspoken exchange of words.

Raphael stepped away to speak with Leo. You noticed Raph throwing subtle glances in your direction every so often, to make sure you were still there.

“You do realize that you put your whole family at risk by bringing her here don’t you?” Leo spoke in a hushed tone.

“You weren’t there Leo! You didn’t see what I saw… he hurt her,” Raph pushed Leo to get him out of his face.

“What are we whispering about?” Mikey joked, joining in their semi-huddle.

“What? Who-” Leo ignored Mikey. 

“Her own father! I couldn’t just leave her there… What else was I supposed to do?!” Raph’s voice was low.

“Well she can’t stay here,” Leo spoke solemnly.

Raph’s body clenched at his words. Disappointing everyone again it seems. You look over at Raph like a lost lamb. Unshed tears brimmed in your eyes and that   
just made Raph feel worse. He curled his hands into fists. The air was thick with tension.

“Just take me home…please,” you huddled into the nearest wall and hugged your sides, “I just want to go home.”

Everyone in the room had a serious expression on their face as they stared at you. Surprisingly even Mikey was trying his best to remain unhumorous. They knew that they couldn’t just let you go back. Splinter knelt down beside you.

“Little one, you have had a long night. Perhaps it would be best if you stay here so we can help you with your injury,” he spoke softly and gestured to your wound, “We can further discuss the situation after a good night’s rest.”

Agreeing with the well-spoken rat you slowly nodded in response.

“Boys! Take care of our guest,” he stood and began walking away into another room, “I must meditate on this…”

After Splinter leaves, the room is filled with silence. You look to Raph unsure and frankly a bit confused. His brows furrow as Donnie walks past him and towards you. 

“Miss…If uh you would please follow me, I’d like to look at your chest,” his eyes widen and he begins stuttering, “AH!- I mean uh… I didn’t mean I wanted to look at your uh- not that I wouldn’t want to… it’s just- sorry it’s just you’re hurt and I um-“

As Donnie continues to sputter excuses and apologies, Leo and Mikey both face palm and Raph gives Donnie his signature death glare. You let out an exasperated sigh and remove your blood stained hoodie (but you still have a tank top on). They all seem to visibly cringe at the sight of array of marks found on your skin. Yes, they had seen them before but never this extreme. The bruises were a multitude of hues, colors that normally should not be on someone’s skin. There were garish purple splotches, roughly the size of a fist, while others were more grayish, but still looked just as bad. Lines across your body, like someone had dug their nails into you, tearing your flesh. Someone had clawed away at you, the gashes told the whole story. None of them could hardly bear to look at you. You felt disgusting. You place your hands on the outside of your arms.

“Guys let’s give her some privacy,” Leo’s voice was taut as he lead Mikey and Raph out, “We are going to get a place ready for you to sleep so when you’re done… yeah.”

Raphael wavered in the doorway and looked back at you but soon turned to follow his brothers. You were left alone with a nervous Donnie.

“Are you alright?” you ask even though he should probably be the one asking you.

“Oh- yeah… I’m fine. It’s just last time you were unconscious when I stitched you up and I wouldn’t want to hurt you,” he spoke finally looking into your eyes.

“I’ll be fine,” you wanted to say that you’ve been through worse but that would probably just make him feel uncomfortable.

He left to retrieve his medical supplies kit. When he came back he handed you one of Raphael’s old sai. You took the weapon but looked at him confused.

“If you bite onto the handle, you at least won’t be damaging your teeth by grinding them together,” he explained.

“Oh…” you laid down using your bunched up sweater as a pillow and put the sai handle in between your teeth.

It tasted like old leather and sweat but you’ve tasted worse. After sanitizing his hands, Donnie began to remove the damaged stitching. Without being asked to, Raph came in and sat next to you. You reached out and took ahold of Raph’s hand. Donnie then proceeded to disinfect your torn flesh and through the handle you clenched in your teeth you groaned in pain. 

“Donnie!” Raph urged his brother to hurry.

“Almost over. I promise,” Donnie spoke soothingly, “Try to breathe normally.”

Your face contoured and you whimpered as he placed the needle in and out of your skin. You took shaky breathes as he finished the new stitching with a skilled knot. He then dressed your wound in some gauze and ace bandages after you spit out the sai and Raph helped you sit up. You realize you’re still holding Raph’s hand and give it a squeeze letting him know you’re okay now.

“I’ll go check to see if they have a bed ready for you,” and with that Raph and Don exited the room and you were left alone again.

You unfolded your hoodie and grimaced. It covered with filth and dirt from the sewers and your own blood. You wondered what your hair must look like but you honestly didn’t care. You placed a delicate hand over your injury and frowned in thought.

“What’s going to happen to me?” you mumbled out lout.

You jumped being startled by the turtle teens as they came back into the room. 

“Life can be soooooo complicated sometimes, can’t it?” as the orange clad turtle spoke he stretched his arms out for emphasis.

“I suppose so…” you shrugged not knowing how else to respond.

“It’s like there’s a never ending battle in the universe over controlling a person’s life, and just when you think the good guys are winning, someone goes and   
finds the kryptonite,” he shook his head and laughed.

“Woah Mikey, that was almost poetic,” Donnie spoke sarcastically.

“Thank you I try!” Mikey grinned.

“…Anyways we got a place ready for you to sleep,” Leo gestured for you to follow.

He took you to what you assumed was their living room because of the various televisions, gaming consoles and an old looking couch. Leo nodded towards the couch and you sat down on it.

“Here,” Raph handed you a red knitted blanket.

“He made it himself,” Mikey giggled while playfully nudging Raph.

Raph growled and elbowed Mikey. Your lips turned upward. You just wanted to enjoy the moment. Tonight you were not exposed to any danger or risk and you were free to rest. You then decided that for once, you were going to enjoy something good that had happened to you without feeling bad about it. It didn’t happen all that often. You wrapped the blanket around your tired frame and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment ^U^ next chapter coming soon


	6. Restless Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> night terrors and Raph comforts you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not exactly sorry for my unexpected hiatus...things happen. I have come to realize that because it has been so long since I last updated, I have lost the initial idea for the plot to this fic. However since so many of you have waited somewhat patiently for me to continue this, I shall try and make it worth your while and end on a sweet note.

Raphael couldn’t sleep, which means he is once again in the dojo working off some repressed steam. He snarls, striking the weathered punching bag repeatedly.

Raph was so angry at himself for doing what he did. He should have just left you alone –but he couldn’t. Instead, he recklessly made the decision to stalk you without letting anyone know what he was doing. He was just being selfish to feed into his own curiosity. His actions had put both you and his own family in danger. This was all his fault. When he had looked at your sleeping face, he felt as though you knew it, too. But was that even possible? For all he knew, you still thought of him as your savior. That night you had looked at him with such innocence and trust even after all the traumatic events you endured. That look struck at his heart. You were a fighter, that’s for sure.

*****

As Mikey settles into his watch over the computer screens, his eyes wander to your sleeping form. A sliver of moonlight has escaped through the sewer grates above and illuminates your delicate nose. Mikey decides that it’s a pretty cute nose. For whatever reason, this lead him to wonder if his smallest finger would fit into your tiny nostrils. Looking at his three fingered hand he chuckles to himself. He imagines the expression on your face as you wake up to find someone’s finger in your nose. And then he feels a pang of guilt at the thought of having fun at your expense. You just basically lost everything in your life! He shouldn’t be imagining funny situations at a time like this. He’s got to get serious. He returns his attention to the computer screens and immediately yawns.

By the time Mikey’s watch is over, he has inevitably fallen asleep. It seems being serious is took too much effort for him to operate consciously. After his workout, Raph walks into the main room to find Mikey drooling over one of Donnie’s many computer consoles. He smirks lifting his younger brother’s head up and slides the console out from under his flood. 

He then skillfully maneuvers Mikey into his own room with the help of a rolly office desk chair and years of training under a master of ninjutsu. Well… not really, but carrying around Mikey is a lot harder than carrying you. Speaking of you, Raph makes his way back over to the monitoring room but like his brother turns to watch you instead of the screens. He gazes at the steady rise and fall of your chest. 

“What a freakin’ creep,” he whispers in a hoarse voice to himself.

Cautiously walking toward your resting form, he stoops in front of you when he hears you mumbling in your sleep. 

The back of a hand caressed your bare arm, gradually working its way to your shoulder, delicate movements back and forth across your dainty collar bone. The hand then preceded to lovingly brush against your cheek. You hummed softly in your sleep as the hand was joined by another to aid in its ministrations along your exposed skin. The large hands grasped your clothed breasts and began to gently fondle them. A mouth found its way to your previously abused neck and began to tenderly leave butterfly kisses upon each bruise and hickey. You gasp, still half asleep, as a hand finds its way under your shirt. A large but nimble thumb works your bud and you arch into the hand despite yourself. 

Light panting coming from the both of you. Hearing the telltale signs of a thick belt being undone and then falling to the floor, you shake your head in protest.

“I love you,” you hear a familiar voice whisper.

This can’t be happening to you! Not again. Not after all the torment you have already endure…Why? Why must you continue to be abused? 

“Noooo!” you wrench your eyes open and see Raphael kneeled in front of the couch you’re trembling on.

“[Y/N]? What’s wrong?!” he asks as you being throwing couch cushions at him.

“Go away! Go away! Don’t fucking touch me!” you scream through your tears.

He deflects the pillows with his arms and yelled at you over your sobs, “It’s ALL RIGHT! YOU’RE SAFE HERE!” Your confused and terrified expression causes him to continue, 

“No one is gonna hurt you…You were just havin’ a nightmare,” by the end he was speaking to you as if you were a child who had just awoken from a bad dream.

You hiccup and shake your head in defiance, “But… it seemed so-“

“Real? Yeah…heh I got that,” Raph breathes, visibly relaxing.

You both stare at each other for a long while, anticipating each other’s next move. Him partly wanting to make sure you are all right and partly to see if you are going to throw more things at him. You sniffle, continuing to watch him; still very shaken up after such a conflicting night terror, you don’t want to take your eyes off of the only possible threat in the room. 

After a moment of shared quiet, he politely asks, “Do ya wanna talk about it?”

You open your mouth but don’t find the words…instead, “No one has ever asked me that before.”

He scratches his upper arm and then awkwardly starts picking up the couch cushions you threw. Placing them neatly on one side of the couch he clears his throat. You bring your knees up to your chest and hug them as he made motions to sit next to you.

“Look, I can tell you’re still pretty anxious about being here an’ I ain’t into the whole chick flick moments but if ya want…I’m here ta listen.”

You hesitantly nod, uncertain of his true intentions; your subconscious mind continuing to mix with reality. You tense as he finally sits down beside you. He looks doubtful, but rests his arm on the back of the sofa. Sensing that a crisis has been averted, you compose yourself by taking a few silent deep breathes. You begin by telling him how your current relationship with your father came to be. How your mother passed…and how both you and your father knew it was your fault. 

All the while Raph listens intently, refraining from butting in too often. Even knowing everything awful that has happened to you, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about how you were just too innocent, too beautiful. Not that he never noticed it before, but you had an ethereal presence. How could anyone ever think of hurting you? You were just the sort of girl someone like him wanted to protect. But he had to stop thinking of you like that. You and he would never have a future together and there was nothing he could do about it. 

However Raph wasn’t the kind of guy who took things lying down. No, he was definitely going to fight this. He wasn’t going to let you go back to that sadistic bastard (A/N: Raph’s words, not mine). Whether he was doing it for you or himself, no amount of logic could deter him.

“I mean, you saw what he’s done to me with your own eyes,” you speak soberly finishing your story, “I don’t sleep well at night because of it. Meds don’t always help either.” 

By the time you conclude, your trembling has reduced considerably- it felt as if a weight has been lifted off of your distressed heart. You worry your bottom lip as he ponders how to respond to what you’ve told him. What is one supposed to say in a –for lack of a better word–fucked up situation like this? I’m sorry? No, you don’t want anyone’s pity. That’s not going to accomplish anything. 

Raph has come to understand your almost spitefully cruel tendency to shield yourself from others. You don’t have any friends because you didn’t want to have other people share your pain. Even though that is exactly what friends are there for. You built up walls around you to protect yourself from getting hurt by other people. Although these walls may protect you, they imprison you as well; and only you hold the key to free yourself. By finally telling someone (by telling him) about your abusive father, you being the process of healing. And as if on cue, Raph witnesses your walls breaking down and you burst into tears.

“I-I didn’t want any-anyone to see me like this!” your whine ends in an upward inflection and you place your hands over your weeping eyes. 

Raph curses to himself as he watches you sob uncontrollably. His fingers twitch, wanting to take ahold and comfort you. ‘What’s wrong with you?!’ he thinks to himself, ‘Say something to her!!’

“Th-this is all my fault, this is all my f-fault,” you whimper over and over before adding, “I’m a m-monster.” 

Nope! Raphael wasn’t having any of that. The last proverbial straw, as it were.

“Stop!” he growls angrily while quickly leaning over and taking you up in his arms.

You sharply draw in breath as Raph rests his chin atop your head, holding you close to his solid chest. One arm wrapped around you possessively, the other connects to a hand soothingly rubbing circles on your upper back. Cheek firmly pressed onto him, you sniffle. Your once quivering fists unfurling to find solace against his broad plastron. Being so close, you aren’t surprised to feel the reverberations his deep voice sends throughout his torso. 

“Just stop,” he calmly emphasized practically pleading, “You don’t have to feel guilty about anything that happened to you…It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask for any of this.”

When he is content that you’ve stilled, Raph pulls away and looks at you from his arms’ length. Your eyes swollen, cheeks are wet and raw with tears, and yet you’re smiling.

“You’re beautiful,” Raph confesses before he could stop himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for this chapter being so short. If you like where the story has taken us, expect a new chapter out before the end of next week.


End file.
